If a wife has to constantly ask her husband for money or feels more like a child and less like a partner, it can be frustrating and demeaning. But what is a wife to do if her husband says his money is his?
As a general rule, there is no law requiring a married couple to share finances. But if one spouse works and the other does not, or does not earn a living wage, the higher-earning spouse is obligated to ensure the basic needs and necessities of the other spouse.
But marriages are 50/50 partnerships, and both people should be responsible for the finances and have an equal say in how the money is allocated.
Even if the husband is the sole breadwinner.
Ultimately, if your husband is not treating you like an equal, making you beg for money, or withholding money, you don’t have a money problem; you have a marriage problem.
But that’s not all there is to know.
So in this article, we’ll look at why this happens, what to do to fix it, and what your legal rights are, too, should you need to exercise them.
Just keep reading!
You CAN change your husband’s controlling behavior before it completely derails your marriage.
I’ve been in your shoes. You want to move beyond the feeling of being not seen as an equal. And you desperately want your marriage to have trust, and mutual acceptance, and to feel like you are both on the same team. Ultimately, this isn’t a money problem; it’s a marriage problem.
Luckily, all hope is NOT lost, and there is something you can do, even if your spouse isn’t willing to talk about or work on the problem.
The website Regain by BetterHelp offers licensed therapists who specialize in couples counseling and will work directly with you and your spouse online; anytime and from anywhere.
This quote from Brenda R. perfectly sums up the quality work Regain does:
“I was apprehensive about having a male couple’s counselor at first, but he has been amazing. We were close to ending our relationship but over time we’ve worked on our foundation and also expanding our communication. We would not be together if it weren’t for the direction from Tom (and the work we’ve done as well).”
Serious about saving or improving your relationship?
CLICK HERE to answer a short quiz and see if Regain is right for you.
High-net-worth marriages are especially prone to money manipulation for the simple reason that the monied spouse’s financial position gives him/her more choices & strategies to hide assets. A qualified forensic accountant has the financial skills to discover all the hiding places pic.twitter.com/tUoD5xwKjI
— Miod and Company (@MiodandCompany) July 1, 2021
What rights does a husband have over his wife?
A marriage is an equal partnership, and no one spouse has a “right” over the other. Now some spouses may choose to keep bank accounts separate, and legally, that is acceptable. But the most successful marriages are where all aspects of their lives are combined.
Once you are married, you promise to treat your spouse with respect.
You combine your separate lives into one combined life. You can combine finances, debts, and property. You file taxes together; you get breaks on health and auto insurance. You essentially become one unit in the eyes of the government.
You also have a fiduciary responsibility to one another.
This means you can’t hide funds from your partner. You can’t waste money, and you can’t send money to another person without your spouse’s consent.
If you have a habit of wasting money or secretly spending money, your husband may feel like it’s necessary to withhold money from you, especially if it is making it difficult to take care of household expenses.
If your husband is withholding money from you, communicate with him to find out why. Then, come up with a budget together.
Money and fights about money are major reasons for divorce. So it’s important to talk about your finances and spending habits.
To read more about how to get your spouse to stick to a budget, check out this recent article. I get into why a budget is so important and how to get your spouse on board even if they initially resist.
Just click the link to read it on my site.
Can a spouse withdraw money without permission?
With joint bank accounts, either spouse can withdraw money without needing permission. However, with separate accounts, one cannot legally withdraw funds from a bank account unless they are listed as an account holder.
If you have a shared account, either one of you can take money out as you see fit.
It doesn’t matter who puts money in the account. If it is a joint account, the money in the account belongs to both of you. Either of you can withdraw money without obtaining permission from the other person.
You don’t even have to tell the other person you’re withdrawing money.
But you can’t just go and clear out the account, either. That money is there to pay bills and other household expenses.
Just like your husband can’t deprive you of money in a joint account, you can’t deprive him of that money, either.
But if the account is in your husband’s name alone, you cannot withdraw money without his permission even if you’ve been given permission before, especially if he has specifically told you that you are not allowed to withdraw money out of his account.
If your marriage is failing, then check out this quick video on the 7 Steps to Fixing Your Marriage that will help get yours back on track.
1st comes love, then comes marriage, then shared finances. Tips on exchanging money vows:https://t.co/GYSnKnHHnT pic.twitter.com/xZHN6QpOqj
— Intuit Mint (@mint) September 1, 2016
My husband says his money is his – is that legal?
Technically and legally, a husband can do as they please with their earned income. But morally, it is marital income and should be treated as equal property for both spouses.
Marriage is about coming together as a team. You are both responsible for finances and debts. This means that his income is your income and vice versa.
If your husband is withholding funds from you, it could be a form of bullying. Or it could simply be that you are irresponsible with money.
If you’re unemployed or underemployed, your husband withholding funds can be really painful.
Talk to your husband and find out why he is withholding money from you. Try to approach him in a way that is not accusatory. Be respectful, but also explain that you need to have access to the money to buy groceries, pay bills, and make other purchases.
If you don’t already, suggest sharing a bank account.
Fights about money and money problems are one of the top three reasons for divorce. Combining finances is one of the best ways to minimize the fighting.
To read more about why you should share a bank account with your spouse, check out this recent article. Sharing a bank account also allows you to be completely open and transparent with one another, which is vital to a successful marriage.
Just click the link to read it on my site.
Is withholding money from your spouse a form of abuse?
Withholding money from a spouse, in and of itself, is not abuse. However, it could become abuse if that spouse were unable to provide food, water, shelter, or vehicle fuel for themselves due to their spouse withholding money.
If you have a habit of impulse buying or being financially irresponsible, your husband may just feel like he’s doing what needs to be done to protect the household.
According to Financial Intimacy, financial control isn’t just controlling the purse strings. If your husband refuses to share financial information but expects you to account for every penny you spend, it can be a sign of future abuse.
Financial abuse is designed to make your dependence on your partner complete. He completely controls your behavior by cutting off your access to money, mobility, and choice.
But if your husband is not being malicious, maybe he just needs some reassurance that you can be responsible with household funds.
Budgeting is essential for financial success, especially if one of you is freer with money than the other. Budgeting can be challenging. But without a budget, it’s easy to end up in debt.
Luckily, there are some great apps that you and your husband can access 24/7 on your smartphone.
Take a look at this recent article to read all about the best budgeting apps for couples. These apps keep your debt in check and help ensure that you and your husband are on the same financial page.
Just click the link to read it on my site.
“Money is a tool that should be used to build and fix things that are broke.” #Money #Marriage #RelationshipGoals#MillionMarriageMarch pic.twitter.com/WYyOKsswCe
— Mr. Perry P. (@RFA2416) November 12, 2021
Can my husband withhold his paycheck or refuse to pay bills?
Legally, a husband can withhold his paycheck or stop paying bills. But if he has suddenly stopped and debts, late fees, and penalties are being placed on joint accounts, it may be wise to start protecting yourself by speaking to a lawyer.
Technically, your husband can do whatever he wants with his money. This means if he doesn’t want to give it to you, then he doesn’t have to.
But if he’s stopped paying bills that he used to pay, you may be able to get a court order for him to pay those bills.
This is typically done during a separation or divorce. If an order is in place, and he is still not paying those bills, he can be held in contempt of court.
Before it gets to that point, try to talk to him about why he is withholding his paycheck and refusing to pay bills.
Have you been untrustworthy with the way you handle finances? Maybe there is something else going on? For a marriage to be successful, there must be complete transparency and honesty.
If he is withholding money, maybe he feels like there is a reason to do so.
Approach the situation with mutual respect and understanding. Maybe he is just lashing out and frustrated. If he is so frustrated about finances that he is refusing to pay bills, consider seeing a marriage counselor.
A counselor that specializes in finances can help you get to the bottom of these issues before it leads to divorce.
Should married couples combine their finances?
Combining finances in a marriage can be a great way to ensure a successful relationship.
When couples share their money, it can help them to avoid money issues and create a healthy relationship. By having one savings account, couples can work together to make financial decisions that are beneficial for both of them.
Having a separate bank account for each partner is also important.
This allows each person to have their own money that they can use as they please without having to consult the other person. This helps to keep the relationship healthy and allows each partner to feel secure in their financial situation.
It is also important for married couples to talk about money regularly.
Having regular money talks helps couples stay on the same page when it comes to their finances and ensures that both partners are aware of any changes or decisions that are being made. This helps create an atmosphere of trust and understanding between the two partners, which is essential for any successful marriage.
Overall, combining finances in a marriage can be beneficial if done correctly.
It is important for couples to have separate bank accounts so that each partner has their own money, as well as regular money talks so that both partners are aware of any financial decisions being made. When done correctly, combining finances can help create a strong and successful marriage.
A marriage without shared money and goals is just a joint venture! #personalfinance #moneyquotes #marriage pic.twitter.com/TJE90gExyC
— Finance for dad (@financefordad1) July 25, 2016
Why would a husband insist that his wife can’t have any of his income?
A husband withholding his income from his wife can be confusing and hurtful for the wife, so it’s important to understand why this might happen.
One reason could be that the husband earns much more money than the wife and he wants to keep it separate.
This could be especially true if the wife is a stay-at-home mom who doesn’t bring in any income. The husband may feel like he needs to protect his money from being spent on household expenses or other things that he doesn’t agree with.
Of course, legally, it’s not really his money. And in the event of a divorce, a judge is not likely to be sympathetic to a husband who withheld money from his wife.
Another reason could be that the couple has had financial problems in the past and the husband wants to make sure they don’t happen again.
He may think that having individual accounts will help them avoid financial issues in the future. He may also want to make sure that he has enough money saved up for emergencies or retirement without having to worry about his wife spending it all on something else.
Finally, some husbands may just not want to share their income with their wives because they don’t trust them with money or because they don’t think it’s necessary for them to have access to it.
They may feel like they are better at managing finances and want to keep control over how much money is coming in and going out of their joint bank account.
No matter what the reason, it’s important for couples to talk openly about their finances so they can come up with a plan that works for both of them.
If a husband insists that his wife can’t have any of his income, she should try to understand why he feels this way and work together on finding a solution that works for both of them.
How to talk to your husband about money and sharing finances
The best way to talk to a reluctant or defensive husband about money and sharing finances is to start with an open and honest conversation.
A money talk can be difficult, especially when one partner has less money than the other.
It’s important to approach the conversation with empathy and understanding, as it can be a sensitive topic. I do have a few suggestions about how to make the conversation go better:
- Ask questions instead of making statements
- Avoid accusations
- Don’t make assumptions about why your husband says what he says
- Give him the benefit of the doubt
- Focus on how his actions make you feel
Ultimately if he gets angry or defensive, he won’t hear you and the conversation won’t be productive. So by following those tips, you stand a better chance of being heard, understood, and respected.
The first step is to create a financial plan that both partners are comfortable with. This should include setting goals, budgeting, and discussing how each partner will contribute financially.
It’s also important to recognize that financial matters can be linked to emotional abuse in married life.
If there is a lack of communication or one partner is controlling with money, it can lead to feelings of insecurity or resentment. It’s important for both partners to feel respected and heard when discussing financial matters.
When talking about money, it’s best to focus on the future rather than the past.
Discussing how you want your finances to look in the future can help create a sense of unity and understanding between both partners. It’s also important for both partners to be open and honest about their feelings regarding money so that any issues can be addressed in a healthy way.
Overall, talking about money doesn’t have to be an uncomfortable experience if approached in the right way.
By creating a financial plan together and having open conversations about your feelings regarding money, you can ensure that both partners are on the same page when it comes to finances in your marriage.
15. Where your treasure is where your heart is. You need to ask yourself: Is my treasure my money or my spouse? If it is your spouse, then stop withholding and hiding from him/her. Trust your spouse. #MrMrsBetterHalf pic.twitter.com/aAwvp0qi9C
— Godman Akinlabi (@PGeeman) November 17, 2017
Does my husband keep his money secret because he has something to hide?
It can be concerning when a husband keeps his money secret from his wife.
This could be a sign of financial infidelity, which is when someone hides extra money or assets from their partner. It’s important to talk to your husband about why he’s keeping his money to himself and if there are any trust issues that need to be addressed.
If you’re married, it’s important to have joint finances and discuss any sort of thing related to money.
If your husband is keeping his finances separate, it could be a sign that he doesn’t trust you or that he’s hiding something from you. It’s important to talk openly and honestly about this issue so that you can both feel secure in the relationship.
It’s also important to remember that there may be other reasons why your husband is keeping his money secret.
He may not want to burden you with financial worries or he may simply not want to share all of the details of his finances with you. Whatever the reason, it’s important for both of you to have an open dialogue about this issue so that trust can be restored in the relationship.
How can a wife protect herself financially if her husband won’t share his income?
Money matters can be a tricky subject for couples, especially when one partner is keeping their finances to themselves.
If a wife suspects her husband is not being honest about his income, it’s important to take steps to protect herself financially. The first thing she should do is open her own credit card in her name only. This will give her access to funds that are not connected to her husband’s income and will help build her own credit score.
Having honest conversations about money can be difficult, but it’s important for couples to understand each other’s different views on money and personal finances.
A wife should make sure she has a clear understanding of the couple’s financial situation and how much money her husband is making. If he won’t share this information with her, it could be a sign that he is hiding something from her or trying to keep a lot of money for himself.
It may also be beneficial for the wife to start setting aside some of her own money in savings or investments so she has access to funds if needed.
This will help ensure she has financial security even if the marriage doesn’t work out or if there are any issues with the couple’s joint accounts. Taking these steps can help protect a wife from any potential financial issues caused by her husband not sharing his income with her.
That being said, any money set aside would still be considered community property in a divorce unless a prenuptial agreement had been made before the marriage.
Final Thoughts
When you get married, you are making a promise to respect one another. Respect means you communicate with one another.
You don’t keep secrets from one another, and you certainly don’t withhold marital funds from one another.
Marriage is a partnership. As partners, you are both responsible for running the household operations, including finances.
You CAN change your husband’s controlling behavior before it completely derails your marriage.
I’ve been in your shoes. You want to move beyond the feeling of being not seen as an equal. And you desperately want your marriage to have trust, and mutual acceptance, and to feel like you are both on the same team. Ultimately, this isn’t a money problem; it’s a marriage problem.
Luckily, all hope is NOT lost, and there is something you can do, even if your spouse isn’t willing to talk about or work on the problem.
The website Regain by BetterHelp offers licensed therapists who specialize in couples counseling and will work directly with you and your spouse online; anytime and from anywhere.
This quote from Brenda R. perfectly sums up the quality work Regain does:
“I was apprehensive about having a male couple’s counselor at first, but he has been amazing. We were close to ending our relationship but over time we’ve worked on our foundation and also expanding our communication. We would not be together if it weren’t for the direction from Tom (and the work we’ve done as well).”
Serious about saving or improving your relationship?
CLICK HERE to answer a short quiz and see if Regain is right for you.
Image by PublicDomainPictures from Pixabay
